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Kosher Humor

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joke 1 my favorite two Jews meet on a train outside Stropkov

A young Jewish university student, Berl, finds himself sitting opposite an elderly Jew on a east-bound train that has stopped a few miles west of Stropkov, Slovakia.
"Excuse me, Rabbi", says Berl, " I don't mean to bother you, but I have to catch the last train out of Stropkov to continue my journey to Budapest. Can you tell me the time?".

"No", answers the Rabbi, curtly.

Ten minutes pass and the train remains at a standstill. Again, Berl queries, "Excuse me, Rabbi. I don't mean to bother you; I see that you are immersed in your book; but with the train not moving, Iam afraid that I will miss my connection. So, Rabbi, can you tell me the time? "

"No", answers the Rabbi, curtly.

"But Rabbi, can you at least explain to me why you won't answer me?"

"Look young man", says the Rabbi, "you think I don't know how this goes. I can see that you will not be able to make your connection. So, let's say I tell you the time. You will thank me and then introduce yourself and ask me my name. So I will say my name is Yisroel Weinberger. So you will say "Weinberger?" Are you familiar with the Weinbergers from Munkacs? So I will answer, yes they are my cousins. So then we will find that you and I are 3rd cousins. Now, can I leave my cousin to sit all night in the empty cold railroad station in Stropkov? Obviously, not. So, I will invite you to my home. As soon as we enter the house, my daughter Raizel will come running to greet me. She is a very beautiful and very sweet young woman. You are an intelligent well-spoken young man. We don't have many such young single men in our village. So, by morning you will come to me and say Cousin Yisroel I have good news...Raizel and I want your permission to marry".

" Now, young man, do you think I want a son-in-law who can't even afford to own a watch!?"

joke 2      the Jewish waiter

Two arrogant nouveau riche Jewish businessmen are giving their orders to a waiter in a classic Jewish deli on the Lower East Side. One businessman says hautily to the waiter, "and make sure, when you bring me my food, that the glass is clean" . A few minutes later, the waiter returns bearing a heavily laden tray. He asks, " and which one of you gentlemen was it who wanted the clean glass?".

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